Mother's Day Tomorrow...

Ok, so I was doing really well...or at least I thought I was.

I guess I kept pushing it to the back of my mind that tomorrow should have been my first Mother's Day as a Mother.
Avoiding (or at least trying to avoid) these crippling feelings of loss and grief.

I've been restless all day, trying to keep busy...needing to keep busy, anything to keep me occupied to avoid dealing with how I am feeling.

But...as usual...my evasive plan was self-foiled and I am being hit with an overwhelming feeling of missing my son, of needing my son, of wanting him here so badly it actually hurts, it physically hurts...!!!

Mother's Day is supposed to be a happy day, where we show our appreciation to our Mothers, we buy them gifts and take them out to lunch, but do we forget all of the Mothers in the world, who are without their babies? The Mothers out there who find Mother's Day to be one of the hardest days of the year, its right up there with the day they lost their baby and the day their little angel was due.
It is a day which compounds in our hearts just what we have lost, it reminds us of what we are missing from our lives, of what we want the most in our lives but was taken from us.

All is not lost though...my current need to nurture is being well 'accomodated' right now (and not exploited at all...!!!!!!!!) by my husband who missed the bottom step while climbing out of his truck last night and ended up breaking his foot. So, after spending the majority of the day at the hospital, Patrick is laid up on the couch with a hard cast right up to his knee, he is in a lot of pain and is pretty much unable to do anything for himself.
I guess its my turn to look after him for a while.

To all the Mothers out there, whether you can hold your little ones in your arms or not,

Have a very Special Day Tomorrow

.xx.