Day 17: Follicle Maturity

Day 17 and we have achieved Follicle Maturity...!!!

The scan this morning was ... well, I don't know a word to describe it. I was super bruised from yesterday's scan, so today was worse.

I just lay on the scanning bed and just cried and sobbed, it was hurting so much I just couldnt even talk. The tears just flowed. Patrick just held my hand and squeezed it.

I think today was a point of realisation for Patrick, I think he actually realised how difficult all of this is for me and he could see it in my eyes today, that I am just at breaking point.
I have adapted many zombie-like qualities while going through the motions of injecting myself and during the scans.

Fortunately, enough of my follicles have reached a sufficient level of maturity that they can go ahead with the egg-collection procedure on Saturday morning.
So, this evening I do not have to take the FSH injection, I have to take the Orgalutron at the later time of 8:30 and I have to take a different injection  'Pregnyl' at exactly 9:30 on the dot. This stimulates ovulation which will take place at exactly 35.5 hours after taking the injection. This injection has to be timed to the minute, so that the egg-collection can take place at 9am on Saturday morning.

So I have a welcome break from injections tomorrow and then a few days to recouperate after the procedure on Saturday.

Day 16: A 'Nice' Cycle

Day 16 and appearantly we are having a 'nice' cycle.

We were at the Clinic first thing this morning and things are still going well. The follicles on the right side are doing fantastically and should be fully developped by tomorrow. The left side are still a bit behind but this is no real cause for concern as there are enough on the right side to produce a small army (or at least a football team).
The nurse kept referring to it as a 'nice' cycle. In my head I was thinking 'what's so bloody nice about it???', while she was practically making a human kebab out of me with her scanning probe...!!!

The scan this morning hurt more than ever (I didn't think it was possible but turns out it is), I did discover the art of 'pregnancy breathing' and it actually does work, breathing through the pain.

I have to increase my fluid intake again by adding a litre of milk a day to the 3 litres of water, so I figure I may as well just move into the bathroom altogether...!!!

So, we have to go back to the Clinic first thing in the morning for another scan, which hopefully will show that the follicles have fully matured and we can go ahead with the egg collection procedure on Saturday.

Day 14: Things Are Looking Up

Day 14 and it was good news at the Clinic.

The scan was very difficult and I am left with a feeling of internal bruising, which isn't very pleasant.

I got very little sleep last night and managed to chew off all of my beautiful gel nails coz I was so aggitated, I was convinced there would be something wrong when we got to the Clinic this morning.

But I was wrong............!!!!!

My right ovary is doing wonderfully, follicles are growing and they look great.

The left one still has a long way to go, but between the two of them, the nurse was able to count more than 30 maturing follicles. Which is exactly what we want.

We must continue with the increased dose of hormones for the next few days and have to return to the Clinic on Wednesday for another internal scan, at that point they will decide whether to do the egg-collection procedure on Friday or wait til Saturday to do it.

The nurse told me I would have to drink between 3 and 4 litres of water a day between now and egg collection time.

She was quite concerned with the way I was breathing while she was doing the scan, she felt I was breathing too fast and that could cause me to faint (well, she was hurting me.....that's how I breathe when I'm being hurt!).

Oh and her final piece of advise today..................'please abstain from love-making between now and egg-collection time, as potentially you could produce more than 30 eggs and if some of those get released prematurely and mix with sperm, they could fertilise'

Wouldn't that just be our luck.......!!!!!!!

Day 12: I Don't Want To Do This Anymore...!!!

Day 12 and I've had enough of needles.

Even the FSH injection  doesnt want to go in anymore. I think the skin on my tummy has gotten thicker, therefore making it a lot more difficult to inject myself. The injections seem to hurt more each evening, of course this could be due to the hormones making my skin and nerves more sensitive.

The injections hurt so much this evening I just thought that I can't do it anymore, I've had enough!

I'm so sick of hurting all the time.

I guess we just have to take one day at a time. We only have one more set of injections to do (tomorrow evening) before the consultation and scan on Monday morning. Which, best case scenario will lead to egg collection  procedure on Wednesday.

Day 11: Post Melt Down

Day 11 and it hurts, oh gosh does it hurt...!!!

So, I had a bit of a melt down last night. I was in a lot of pain from the scan earlier in the day and the increase in hormones just sent me into emotional meltdown.

I was really hurting, but I got up to close the curtains and all of a sudden I just started crying and I cried and cried and cried and I cried so much, I ended up with a headache.
My mind was full of thoughts, almost resentful thoughts...........how unfair is it that so many people get pregnant without meaning to, many of whom end up feeling devestated that they are pregnant..................and here we are, going through all of this without any guarantees. We would give anything to have our own baby, but gosh it is just all so hard.

Of course, Patrick couldnt do right for doing wrong...!!! If he said anything...it was the wrong thing to say, if he didnt say anything...he was ignoring me while I was upset and of course he 'just didn't care'...!!!!!!!!!!

I also had a short rant on how it is so not fair that I have to do all of this and Patrick doesnt have to really do anything. My brother agreed with me that it wasn fair and suggested that I give Patrick a kick ...'you know where' once a day, to even out the pain distribution. An interesting idea...but knowing my luck that would probably make things even worse...!!!

A brief exchange of drunken memories with a good friend on facebook lifted my spirits again and I began to feel better.

I didnt really sleep well last night, I was very very sore and it was just agony everytime I moved, I just couldnt get comfortable.

Still very sore today. Just did injections, I seriously do not know what is going on with that Orgalutran injection, it seems to get harder to take every evening. Maybe its because I know what to expect but good grief...I won't be sorry to see the back of that one!

Not sure whether it is fear of losing his head (or needing to sit on an ice-pack for a  week) or just because he wants to be helpful, but Patrick is being great. (even if his humour is not appreciated all the time..........seriously, Men just don't 'get' hormones...!!!)  As I type, he is in the kitchen making dinner. He does, of course, keep coming in to check...just to make sure that he is doing everything EXACTLY how I want it...!!!

So, for now its an evening of relaxing and hoping this soreness passes soon.

Day 10: Lazy Left Ovary

Day 10 and not much progress.

We went to the Clinic this morning for a scan which was an absolute nightmare, the nurse had to stop half-way through, it was just too painful! So my right ovary is doing ok, the follicles are growing but still not big enough. The left ovary is still a lazy fecker, doing nothing!

The nurse had to find Dr. Waterstone to consult with him about the best course of action to take.

We came away home and the nurse rang  a few hours later to say that she had consulted with the Dr. and he wants us to increase the level of hormones in the daily injections by 50%, and to return on Monday morning for another scan.

So, 6 o'clock came and Patrick mixed up the hormones for me. The FSH injection was easy enough but the Orgalutran.........well, that needle just didn't want to go in. I tried, then Patrick tried, then I tried again, then Patrick tried again and eventually it went in. That needle is very thick and just horrid...!!!

I'm left with yet another nasty bruise, lots of ovary pain and a fuzzy head, about to watch 'Ice Road Truckers' with Patrick, which, in all honesty has to be the craziest programme ever.............seriously do they not realise they are driving 40 tonne trucks on frozen water...that's just nuts...!!!

Day 9: Blah

Day 9 and today was kinda doomed before it even began...!!!

I woke up to see my cat on the bedside table with her head in my glass of water, lapping away to her heart's content........and it was all downhill from there...!!!

I'm feeling extremely fluey and lethargic today, everything hurts and even being asked 'what's wrong?' is annoying me!

To top it off, I broke yet another nail...!!!

I really really hope this hormonalness passes soon (I know that's not even a word, but I am extremely hormonal so I can make up words if I want...!!!).

I guess we are both kinda anxious about tomorrow's visit to the Clinic, as they will either decide to go ahead with it or abandon the cycle altogether, depending on the progress of my ovaries.

I figured out this evening, that the injections are easier to take if I pinch the skin first before inserting the needle. I am, however, running out of places to inject myself...............I have so many holes in my stomach at this point, I feel like if I have a glass of water, I could lean forward and water the plants...!!!

I have discovered the art of latch-hook rug-making, its absolutely fantastic to keep the mind occupied and especially to distract me when I feel the need to seriously injure someone because they are breathing too loudly or commiting another such crime of humanity...!!!
It requires a lot of concentration to do and is very productive and surprisingly relaxing.

So fingers and toes (and anything else which is crossable) crossed for tomorrow...........

Day 8: No Change

Day 8 and no change with the ovary situation, appearantly this is not a bad thing as it is better to produce too few follicles and have to increase the hormone levels, than to produce too many follicles and have to abandon the cycle altogether.

I was feeling pretty good all day and spent most of the day at work.

Got home about 5:20 and took injections at 6.

About 20 minutes later I was hit with an unreal wave of feeling really really down, wanting to cry but not knowing why. I know its just the hormones and it will pass, but it is really difficult feeling this way and not being able to explain it. ( I mean its not like I broke a nail or anything).

Its not an angry-hormonal feeling, its more like a hurt-upset feeling, which I think is probably just the come-down from feeling so good all day.

I really really hope it passes soon coz I hate feeling this way.

For now, its relaxing on the recliner, all wrapped up in a furry throw, watching telly with a mug of tea and a choccie bickie.........................

Day 7: Scan

Day 7 and we had our aptly named 'Day 7 scan' this morning.

I was super nervous before the scan because I knew how much it was going to hurt. Funnily enough it actually wasn't that bad.

The nurse found my right ovary with no problems, and it is developping lots of small follicles at this stage  which is good, fingers crossed that most of them will develop into mature follicles, or at least be well on their way to becoming mature follicles by Thursday.

My left ovary was much more difficult to find, and when the nurse finally did locate it.........well, it didnt seem to be doing much. There were no identifiable follicles developping yet.

The nurse went to check with the Dr. about whether we should increase the level of hormones or leave it the same for now. The Dr. thought it would be better to leave the levels alone for now as because of my age, I would be quite likely to develop Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome (which can be fatal).

So, we will be up and down to Cork for the next few days and they will decide on Thursday what is the best course of action to take.

I suppose, mostly, we were surprised by the level of flexibility that we are being afforded with the whole process. On Day 1 we were handed a schedule calendar and I suppose we just assumed that we would have to stick rigidly to this time-frame. Turns out they can change levels and schedules to suit how my body is reacting to the whole process.

This flexibility kinda helps to relieve the worries we had about messing up the whole cycle by doing something wrong or at the wrong time.

so, Day 7 down, injections done with little effort, and we are both feeling very positive.

I do, however, look about 7 months pregnant as my abdomen is very swollen. I'm getting a few inquisitiive looks from people wondering if I am about to tell them some wonderful news.

Fingers crossed it won't be long til we will be revealing wonderful news to the world.xx.

Day 6: Flu...???

Day 6 and I feel like I'm getting a flu, might just be a reaction to the Orgalutran injections.

I've just done the injections, well actually...Patrick has just done them for me. They hurt more when he does it, but it freaks me out less, so the lesser of two evils is to have my husband stab me in the stomach twice a day...!!!

So, at this point I am just waiting for the fuzziness in my head and the pain in my ovaries to start.

We are going back to the Clinic in the morning for our Day 7 scan, just to see how things are progressing and to see if we will have to extend the process by two days or not.

I'm feeling quite good today (apart from the flu-like feelings), so have not attacked, injured or maimed anyone so far.........but the evening is young yet...!!!

Have received some lovely messages and good luck wishes from some friends today, which has really perked me up, and Patrick's mother had a mass said for us in Holy Cross Abbey, which was very sweet and thoughtful of her.

So.............fingers crossed for everything to be just right tomorrow............

Day 5: Starting Orgalutran

Day 5 and we are preparing to attend the Christening of Patrick's nephew, It was a lovely ceremony although I couldn't help noticing the lump forming in my throat as I watched my husband holding this tiny, beautiful little baby boy

We didnt have time to dwell on it, as we had to be home by 6pm to take the injections.

The mixing was fairly easy again this evening and the first injection was fine.

The second injection..............we were introducing the Orgalutran injections this evening, the needle is much thicker and a bit longer than the one we are used to.

I ended up just almost stabbing myself with that needle, which starting bruising and bleeding as soon as I removed the needle.

We returned to the Christening Party, conscious that we had a maximum of 45 minutes before we would have to return home.

45 minutes on the dot, I went to find Patrick and told him that we needed to go now.

We got home and I went to lie down. The pain started again about an hour and a half after and was bad for about an hour, but again settled down to just being uncomfortable.

My abdomen is very swollen and 'full' feeling now, which again I am assured is normal and just caused by the hormones and my ovaries expanding.

Day 4: Panic

Day 4, I wake up and realise that I'm bleeding very heavily again and in a lot of pain.

I manage to convince myself that I had started the FSH injections too early and in doing so, had messed up the whole cycle.

After an hour of panicking and searching Google for something to tell me I was wrong and finding nothing, I decide to ring the Clinic AGAIN............honestly, they must recognise my voice by now!

I get a nurse on the phone, and she manages to calm me down and assures me that there is nothing to worry about, and even if i did start too early, they can simply just extend the process by two days.

She did, however, advise me to wait until the next day before starting the Orgalutran Injections, which I should have been starting that evening.

The mixing and injecting was much easier that evening, I'm getting used to it now.

The same feeling came on about 45 minutes after the injection, which i was ready for and expecting.

What I wasn't expecting happened about 90 minutes after injecting; terrible pains in my ovaries, which I am assured is normal and is caused by the ovaries expanding.

The pain lasted about 30 minutes and settled to a moderate uncomfortable feeling for the duration of the evening.

Day 3: Hormonal...!!!

Hormonal.......Me...?????     Not at all!

Ok Ok...so I did cry for 20 minutes because I broke a nail, and I got a little bit upset when Patrick brought me the wrong spoon to eat my ice-cream with. This involved intermittent silent treatment intertwined with choruses of 'you don't know me at all' and 'why do you never listen to me?' (sorry honey)

Patrick is a fast learner and quickly figured out that the offering of chocolate will diffuse any hormonal situation.

I can't be that bad coz when I ask Patrick if I'm being awful, the response I get is 'Sweetheart, you're lovely' (sarcasm noted!)

Patrick had to go to work that evening, so I was all alone to mix the hormones and inject myself.

The mixing was easier this time and the injecting...well, I just did it so fast, it was over before I could think about it.

Again, I was fine for about 40 minutes and then I got the same feeling again, so it was time to lie down.

Day 2: The First Injection

Menstruation Day 1 happened on Tuesday 14th of September, meaning that we would start the FSH injections the following day.

When i woke up the following morning, bleeding had all but stopped so I called the Clinic to check if we should still go ahead with the injections. They said we should go ahead with them.

6 o'clock arrived and found Patrick and I attempting to mix the hormones, eventually we managed to mix them as best we could and prepare the syringe.

The time had come, my hand was shaking as I cleaned the injection site with an alcohol swab.

I brought the needle tip to my skin and as soon as it pierced the skin, I freaked out and pulled the needle out.

Eventually, Patrick had to give me the first injection, I just couldn't do it myself.  It was over very quickly, but left a nice little bruise.

I was fine after the injection, well for about 45 minutes anyway.

I was mid-conversation with my brother on the phone, when my head started to feel really weird, kinda fuzzy and my eyes were having trouble trying to focus.

I just needed to lay down for a bit, but was fine after about an hour.

The Pre-Treatment Scan

We returned to the Clinic on the 10th of September at 9:30am.

We met with a different nurse this time, she brought us straight up to the scan room.

This scan was just as painful as the last, but was over much more quickly.

Again, the results were good, not a cyst in sight. So we were good to go with the treatment.

The nurse then showed us how to prepare the FSH injections, it seemed quite complicated and a very daunting process. I am not good with needles...!!!

We then had to meet with the lab technicians, who explained the technical side of the process to us, and we signed all of the consent forms.

We picked up all of our medications, a carrier bag full.

The next step was to go across to the Bon Secours Hospital for some impromptu blood tests.
Of course, Patrick's tests were a dwadle, took about 20 seconds.             Different Story for me, all of my veins decided to hide which resulted in the nurse having to stick me with the needle in three different sites and kinda root around to try and find a vein, it wasn't very pleasant, but eventually she found a vein, took the blood and before we knew it we were on our way home.

The Second Consultation

Our next consultation was scheduled for September 7th, at 11am.

This consultation would take place with a nurse

The nurse was just lovely and explained the whole process to us. It had previously been decided that we would use the long protocol, which would involve going on the pill for 3 weeks before starting the hormone injections.

On reflection it was decided that the long protocol would not be suitable for us, as I suffer with terrible migraines and the pill can cause migraines to worsen.

So, we would be doing the short protocol, meaning we could start the hormone injections on day 2 of  my next period.

We would also have to return to the Clinic right before the start of my next period, so that they could scan my ovaries again to check for cysts.

Lucky for us..........that was in three days time.

The First Consultation

Our first consultation was scheduled for August 4th, 2010 at 4pm.

We were both up at 7am, we were so excited. The journey to the Clinic is little over an hour in duration, but we just couldn't wait to get going.

We arrived in Cork around lunchtime and met with my brother for lunch.

We passed some time and eventually it was time to go to the Clinic.

When we arrived, the reception staff were so friendly. We filled out all the paperwork and took our seats in the waiting room.

We didn't have long to wait, maybe about 15 minutes.

The nurse called out our names and we followed her up to the consultation room.

We met with the Dr. who explained the whole process to us and then brought us to the scan room.

The first internal scan was a nightmare..........my ovaries are very difficult to scan. It was extremely painful but the outcome was positive. My ovaries are in great condition and producing six and 10 follicles respectively (they are just located in very unusual positions), however, due to an error at the previous clinic we had been seeing, we would have to wait for at least another 4 weeks before we could begin the process.

We left the Clinic, I was in pain, We were both a little disappointed that we would have to wait for another month, but at the same time we were happy that the ball was rolling and we were looking forward to the journey.

The Start of the Journey

Let us introduce ourselves:

My name is Anne-Marie, I am 26 years old and am married to Patrick, who is 33.

We have been together almost 6 years and got married in August, 2008.

After 3 years of trying to become pregnant and experiencing losses, we began fertility tests in November 2009.
The final results were revealed to us in May 2010, 'natural pregnancy is not going to happen, ICSI is the only option'

Our world fell apart, it just shattered.

Thanks to our families and our many wonderful friends, we began counselling and we contacted the Private Fertility Clinic in Cork, who instantly put our minds at ease.

It seemed all was not lost and because of my age, there was a good chance of the ICSI being successful.

However......we had to wait............and those of you who know me, know that waiting is not one of my strong points...!!!

We had to wait four weeks for our first consultation, but we had plenty to do while we were waiting, with blood tests and the like.

We continued with our counselling sessions, which helped us to deal with the feelings of uncertainty that we were experiencing.

We also did a lot of research on IVF and ICSI, a lot of it seemed impossible to understand. I made a lot of calls to the Clinic in Cork during this period of waiting, and they were just fantastic, they answered all of our questions and put our minds at ease every time.