Sticky Thoughts Please.xx.

Ok...so I didn't have any nerves last night...but that has been completely rectified this morning...!!!

I woke up at 6am with a knot in my stomach, I actually feel physically sick with nerves and anxiety about today.

I won't be able to have acupuncture before and after the transfer this time. This really helped the last time as I was so relaxed getting to the Clinic, I didnt feel anything. Gordon is leaving for the UK this morning, hence my appointment with him yesterday evening and I will see him again on Monday. (I have, of course, asked him if he wouldn't mind running his plans by me in future, before confirming anything to ensure this type of thing does not happen again ;-) )

I am oozing nerves this morning and I still have 3 hours before I can even call the Clinic to see if our embryos have survived the thawing process or not.

I'm half thinking of going in to work for a few hours, but I fear I may be shot if I do...with my army of 'you take care of yourself and don't lift a finger all weekend, we have everything under control', and I know they do have everything under control, they are just fantastic.......now.......if I could only get these nerves under control...!!!

I think time is actually going backwards this morning, it is passing so slowly...!!!

Not that I am especially looking forward to beginning round three of  Me Vs 'The Speculum', but this waiting is just awful!

I think I may be a little bit delirious with nerves, it is just such an anxious time.....I hate waiting, and what is even worse than the waiting is the fact that I have absolutely no control over the outcome. I will leave the Clinic today with two embryos in my womb and what happens after that is completely in the hands of Fate...

The dice will be rolled.....the coin tossed....Will the embryos stay in place.......or......will they fail to attach,   will they attach for a while and then be hit with a curve ball, causing them to detach, will I once again get to hear my babies' heartbeats and then miscarry shortly after..................... The answer, unfortunately, is not up to me..........It lays in the hands of Fate and lets all just hope and pray that even through the wind and the rain that is lashing down outside, Fate finds a tiny window of opportunity to allow its light to shine on me and my babies for the next few weeks..........It just has to work this time, right?

I need you all to send 'sticky' thoughts my way for the next few days.....and if this doesn't work...I may be having a tube of superglue put in with them next time...!!!