Ok, So Here's The Story......

I called the Clinic in Cork on Tuesday morning and explained the situation to them. The nurse told me to come down straight away and they would do a scan and run some tests to see how everything is going.

We got the the Clinic around 11:15 and they saw us straight away. The nurse did an internal scan first to see what was going on in my womb, it was very unclear.

The nurse then said that she wanted me to do a urine pregnancy test, which I did. Initially it wasnt showing anything and that was the initial heart break. The nurse then asked if we wanted to meet with Dr. Wiergandt, one of the consultants, so we did.

We went across the corridor to meet him in one of the consultation rooms. A few seconds later the nurse came back in and asked the Dr if she could see him outside the room for a minute. About three minutes later, both the nurse and the Dr came back in to the room, the pregnancy test had turned positive, but the line was faint. This provided a very faint bit of hope for us. I was definitely still pregnant.

Unsure about what was happening, she suggested that we go across the road to the Bons Hospital and have a blood test done to check the level of pregnancy hormones, in a naturally progressing pregnancy the HCG hormone level will double about every 2-3 days.

We went across to have the test and the results only took about 20 minutes to come back. The hormone level had dropped from 101.7 on Sunday to 20.4 on Tuesday, the pregnancy was fading and it was fading fast.
We had a couple of options, we could go and have a procedure to have the contents of my womb removed or we could go home and let everything happen naturally.

I just wanted to go home, I couldnt handle the thought of going through an anasthetic and just waking up 'not pregnant anymore' again, I wanted everything to happen naturally.

So basically, when the hormone level drops to almost nothing, my cervix will start to open and my body will start to expel everything in my womb. This could take anything from 10-14 days and throughout that time, I will be bleeding heavily and it could be quite painful.

These pains started last night and are continuing today, although I havent actually started bleeding yet, but I'm sure it wont be too much longer before that starts too.

Patrick is taking it very hard, much harder than any of the previous losses we have suffered. It has been such a long process to get to the stage where we could actually say that 'we're having a baby', and gosh were we excited. Patrick was in the middle of painting the nursery and I had even ordered the perfect curtains for the perfect baby's room, we were so looking forward to being parents.

But, once again, our dream has been ripped from us. We had 6 wonderful weeks of being pregnant, 21 fantastic days of knowing that our baby was in my womb, 13 of the most superb days knowing that our baby had attached and was growing in my womb and now we are left with a life time of knowing that, once again, our little one has been robbed from our clutches, we were so close, just so so close.

It just isnt fair!