Two weeks ago, I started feeling a pain in my left side, it was a very familiar pain and followed an exact cycle that I have experienced quite a few times.... I had an ovarian cyst. The pain was more annoying than anything and was accompanied by a lot of abdominal pressure and swelling.
10 days ago, late in the evening the pain got extremely intense and suddenly it went from being concentrated just on my left side to encompassing my entire abdominal area and the feeling of pressure and swelling became a lot more intense. I went to the hospital for an ultrasound the following morning to have my fears confirmed - The cyst had ruptured. They admitted me to hospital straight away and the plan was to operate as soon as possible. Well, that was the plan until they discovered that the ruptured cyst had caused an abdominal infection. I spent a few days in hospital on IV antibiotics and was then allowed home to take antibiotics and pain killers.
The originally scheduled surgery is going ahead tomorrow morning, my feelings about it are a bit in limbo really. I'm kinda flittering back and forth between freaking out and wanting it over with.
We worked out the other night that this is surgery number 10 for me, and doesn't that seem to be the magic number for me - 10 little angels and 10 operations.
I guess with nine surgeries under my belt I should be fairly used to it by now, but unfortunately experience isn't really working in my favour. I can't help recalling the horrible feeling when you feel yourself losing consciousness, the panickiness when you realise that you have no control over it, once that needle is in your arm, there is no longer anything you can do, anything that happens from that point onwards is completely in the hands of the surgeon and the anaesthetist and the nurses. And knowing that when I wake up after this operation I am going to be in pain, and I will be in a lot of pain for many weeks after this operation.
I'm trying to keep busy this evening, trying not to think too much about how anxious I am or how tomorrow is going to play out. I am sad that I am going to lose my left tube, but I know that has to happen, it just feels that I will be 'incomplete' or something, but I know it is for the best and it will hopefully solve some of the other problems I have been experiencing.
We have to leave the house at 7 in the morning and I am booked into theatre for 8:30, I don't know how long I will be in theatre, but I imagine it will be a few hours anyway with the amount they have to do.
I've gotten some lovely calls and messages today, all wishing me well. I appreciate that so much. Truth is I'm on the verge of properly freaking out and know that I will be a lot worse tomorrow morning
Gotta look to this time tomorrow evening when it will hopefully be all over and all I will have to worry about then is recovering and getting home and then more recovering......
No comments:
Post a Comment