Patrick brought me to town on Thursday because I needed to go to the bank. I was in the bank...picked up the lodgement slip to fill it out and I couldnt find a pen...which is no big deal...except it was a huge deal at the time and I started to panic...my throat felt tight and I was starting to sweat, I felt like I just needed to get out of there...! Fortunately, in my panic I managed to spot a pen on one of the other counters and all was fine.
Fast forward to Saturday morning...my friend Mary picked me up and we went to this beautiful cafe in Cahir for lunch. I ordered a bagel with cream cheese and bacon....except when it came out it was a bagel with cream cheese, bacon and some kind of an egg-based spread. Immediately the same thing happened, my throat got tight, I started to sweat..I was panicking. Not wanting to make it obvious...I picked up the bagel and took a bite...only to find it very difficult to swallow because my throat was so tight...so my immediate reaction was to concentrate on being able to breathe (Poor Mary, I swear she thought I was choking...!!!). So, I then told her what was going on...and I figured out that I could just scrape the eggy stuff off the bagel and all was fine.
Turns out these arent panic attacks in the conventional sense, but more an attack brought on by my body being so physically and mentally exhausted that it just cannot rationalise how to deal with such everyday occurances.
I've still not been getting much sleep if any...its usually around 6 or 7am when I'm finally dozing off. Was the same story on Sunday night...didnt start to doze off until 8am Monday morning, woke up at 11am and found that I was unable to move, my body felt like it was made of concrete. I had hit the point of being so completely exhausted that my body just could not move. I spent all of Monday in bed, flitting between dozing and just laying there. I did manage to get a few hours sleep last night...so hopefully the whole not sleeping thing is starting to improve.
u r such an egotistical maniac, do u really tink the world wants to read this crap? There is a reason baby loss is a taboo subject and its coz noone wants to talk about it, it is private and shud stay that way! ur mary poppins drive to change how the world views this is not 'inspirational' it is cheesy beyond doubt and however well intentioned it may be, the fact remains that the world will be a better place when people stop throwing this stuff in everyones face. It is ur business, noone needs to know about it. ur sad attempts at humor are just that sad and seriously nobody wants to read about ur experience with the 'big scary egg'. did u ever consider that maybe ur fetal matter (not babies) died because there was something wrong with them and had they survived they wud have been deformed? maye its time u just come to terms with the fact that u cant and will never have children and stop boring the world with this crap.
ReplyDeleteJordan, I am very sorry for whatever has happened in your life to cause you to be so bitter. I am not going to respond to the individual things that you have said as I do not believe that it is an actual attack on me, but more an attack on a situation in which you find yourself. I may be wrong, but I think it would be quite unusual for someone with no experience in this area to make such blatent statements.
ReplyDeleteI understand that this blog can be quite difficult to read if you have been through something similar, but I must question why you keep reading it if you are so against it?
I hope whatever has been going wrong for you, starts to go right, and if there is any way I can help, dont hesitate to ask.
Kind Regards,
Anne-Marie
Like I said, mary poppins!
ReplyDeleteJordan, many people find inspiration from this blog. I know i do. Anne-Marie & Patrick have had such hardship in this area yet their determination as a couple is truly inspiring. If you do not agree with her opinions and/or her experiences, I have one simple solution for you. Don't read it!
ReplyDeleteAnne-Marie & Patrick i wish you the best of luck and my prayers are with you.
Jordan what the hell is wrong with u ? why would you say such horrible things ? everybody deals with life their own way and if this helps Anne-Marie then whats the problem. nobody is forcing you to read it . i for one have followed this blog from the start and i think that it can really help others who are going through the same thing.shame on you .
ReplyDeletewhat a very small minded man that jordan is. Im trying myself and have been for the past year and a half and yes its is very stressful. Its very hard to c all these pregnant women going around and yr looking at them wishing u were in there situation. All u can do is feel very sorry for people like him he must have a very sad life and nothing better to do with his time. Anne-maire wishing u all the best hope that someday u will get ur dreams cause i know how it feels to want something so badly that u cant have. As for u Jordan "GO AND GET A LIFE"
ReplyDeleteThe fact ladies is that i do have a life and it dusnt revolve around fillin the world in on my every move. AnnMarie appears to have some kind of a god complex in which she actually believes that she is the ultimate voice in all tings infertility. to me she is just an arrogant nobody who tinks she is a lot more than she is. There is no medical evidence to back up any of this and as far as im concerned this blog could be about a cow farting in a field NOBODY CARES!
ReplyDeleteJordan, you’re really doing the State of Texas proud here man. Why don’t you get off the couch which has moulded itself around your clearly illiterate ass and take yourself down to the University of Texas, where this ‘nobody’ you speak of is a highly regarded Psychologist and has contributed infinite amounts to the area of Developmental and Educational Psychology, why then don’t you take yourself to the Library (it’s signposted as you have clearly never set foot in a University in your life) where you will see the countless works and papers published that this ‘nobody’ has been involved in. When you’re done there, why not take a plane to the UK where said ‘nobody’ has represented the State and University of Texas at amounting to almost 50 conferences and seminars, several of which she appeared as Key Note Speaker, and then if that is not too much for your limited mentality to comprehend. Take another short flight to said ‘nobody’s’ home town in Ireland and observe how, even though she is going through all of what she is going through she takes care of other people’s babies and children on a daily basis, not to mention the work she does with children with autism.
ReplyDeleteHow do I know all of this? I know it because I work at the University of Texas and I have worked with Anne-Marie Ryan and even aside from her infertility issues, her drive and determination to make a change makes her an inspiring person, and the sole fact that she is trying to help others while she is going through such a horrific time herself, just proves that she is one of the better people in this world. Unlike what can be said for you Jordan, the State of Texas is proud of Anne-Marie Ryan,
Anne-Marie, you have all my love and that of the team here in the CC. You inspired us to push forward when it looked like things were falling apart and we got there. Not that I have to tell you but never give up. You are an inspiration to all,
Lots of love, John and the team at CC x
Awwwww thanks John...I think I need to copy that to the 'about me' section on my Facebook page! Seriously, the idiot is not bothering me. I cant help wondering if it is in fact someone that I have crossed paths with and they think that this is a clever way to get to me...sorry to disappoint you 'Jordan' but all you have done is made yourself look like a complete tool and not a very useful one at that! Toddle on now 'Jordan', this blog is no place for you!
ReplyDeletejordan all i can say to u is that ur a complete and utter ass and by the way you do need to go and GET A LIFE cause its clear u dont have one. What a dick
ReplyDeleteHi Amy,
ReplyDeleteJust get yourself well again. That's all that matters right now.
Love,
Dave