Healing Needles From Healing Hands

Sooo... its been just over 5 weeks since I had surgery and I am just now finally starting to feel a bit better. About 3 weeks ago, I started getting the most awful, really debilitating migraines. I was getting them every day, they were coming on very early in the morning and lasting 8-9 hours.

After the last visit with Gordon, I really was taking it easy and in all honesty... with the migraines I was getting, I really wasnt able to do anything, just lifting my head off the pillow was a very painful  experience.

Patrick called Gordon 2 weeks ago to give him an update on how I am doing and to tell him how bad the migraines had gotten. Gordon then did something that I never would have imagined... he offered to drive up here and treat me at home. I genuinely could not believe that he was willing to do that... but he was... and the following Saturday, Gordon arrived at my house equipped with needles and alcohol swabs. He put needles in my feet and in my face, one in the middle of my forehead and one in either temple. He left them in for about 30 minutes and then removed them. He then told me that he would come back up the following week to treat me again.
After he had taken those needles out... I was physically unable to do anything, the only way I can describe how I was feeling is 'completely zonked'. I fell asleep right after he had left and slept deeply for a few hours... and I slept really really well that night too.

I didnt notice much difference in the frequency and severity of the migraines in the next few days and at one point, the pain got so bad that I actually passed out with it.
Gordon came back up here last Friday and repeated the process he had done the previous Saturday. When he had removed the needles, he produced 'press needles', they look like little thumb tacks. He put two in each foot in the grove between my big toes and my second toes, He then put one on the inside of each ankle. These tacks are to be left in and changed every 48 hours.

Almost immediately I felt my head clear. I was migraine free until Sunday evening (but I was out and about on Sunday, so may have overdone it a bit), We changed the tacks on Sunday evening and once that migraine had cleared, my head didnt bother me again until yesterday, but the severity of yesterday's migraine was a lot milder than what I had been experiencing for the previous 3 weeks.

I guess I just can't believe that he went to that trouble for me... It takes over an hour to drive from Cork to here, but it just goes to show once again, how different this experience has been from our previous experiences. Now, our case is not just a number on a chart to be referenced only on invoices, Gordon Mullins actually cares about his patients and for the past 10 months, he has gone through every step of this journey with us and he is the source of all of our hope.

We went to see Gordon in Cork today and he commented on how much better I was doing, he said that I was beginning to be myself again, and he is right, I am. I am feeling much better and am ready to start getting out again.

As I lay on the table and he was checking my pulses, he said something that really put a lump in my throat. He said 'Well done on coming out the other side', He went on to say that 99.9% of people would most likely have taken the Prozac (which has been almost pushed on me several times since the surgery) but I wouldnt take it. It was amazing to me how willing Dr's were to write perscriptions. I'm sure there have been times over the past 5 weeks where it must have seemed that I was hovering on the borderline of depression... and perhaps I was, it would seem almost natural, taking into account my history and what I have just been through, but to me... I was just having bad days and having been in this situation many, many times before... I know that bad days happen and as time goes on they become less and less frequent.
I always remember what Gordon said to me after my very first visit with him... 'Remember, its just a bad day, And remember its not about the bad day, but how quickly you come out of your bad days, thats the improvement.'

In other news, my cat had three beautiful kittens 10 days ago. Two of them were healthy, but the third was delayed and when she was born, I suppose the mother cat thought she was dead and didnt really bother with her. I had to cut the cord and stimulate her to take her first breathe... which she did. The little one wouldnt latch on to the mother and the mother appeared to have no interest in her at all. We began feeding her with a syringe and she was doing really well. We rang the vet the day after she was born to be told that there is nothing that could be done and we might be best to just 'let her go'... Not on my watch...!!!

We continue to syringe feed the little one every couple of hours and she lasted well for 4 days, but when Patrick checked on her on Thursday morning, she was dead. It is impossible for me to describe how devestated we both were, I guess I dont think we were devestated about the kitten so much as what that kitten represented for us, this tiny little being who depended completely on us. Patrick buried the little one and I genuinely do not think I have ever seen him so upset.

The other two kittens were doing well... until one of them developped kitten flu. We were able to get her a powdered antibiotic but she has also stopped feeding from her mother and we are having to syringe feed her now also. The poor little thing has lost so much weight and is so weak she cant hold her head up. To be honest, we werent really expecting her to still be alive when we got back from Cork today, but she was. She is hanging in there, just barely, it will be an absolute miracle if she pulls through.

So, I'm thinking about venturing into work for a bit tomorrow, so long as the migraines stay away. I feel like I have rested completely for long enough and although I will ease myself back in to my usual hectic schedule, I do feel like it is time for me to start getting out again. I am assured that it is ok for me to do this, so long as I listen to my body and know when enough is enough.

A Glimmer of Hope

Ok, so its been just over seven weeks since I have posted on here..........the reason being...I simply needed a break. The words just would not come so I decided it best to wait until I felt up to posting again.

The last seven weeks have been a mixture of heartbreak, tears, complete dispair, trauma and among all of those things...a tiny glimmer of hope.

This glimmer of hope comes in the form of Gordon Mullins, an acupuncturist who specialises in fertility issues. He has a natural fertility clinic in Cork and as of now, I have been to see him 4 times.

The first visit, we just sat and talked for two and a half hours, I got to tell my story and to my surprise...he actually listened, and not only that...he was certain that he could help. He gave me hope, he told me that he would do everything that he could to ensure that my next pregnancy is a healthy one that goes to full term...(well, everything except actually get me pregnant...he did stress on several occassions that he will not actually get me pregnant...................I assured him that was quite alright and I'd prefer my husband to do that anyway...!!!)

On the second appointment, he introduced the needles which really are not anything like what I thought they would be. They are tiny and most of the time you only barely feel them, although a few times...they have actually hurt.........I am assured that this is not actually pain but the shifting of energy. During this appointment, Gordon told me that he would induce a period, and that I would have a bleed which would consist only or bright red blood. I think I may have laughed at him.....I got my first period when I was just nine years old and in all those years, I have never had a period that was just bright red blood. Gordon explained to me that if the bleeding is usually dark or contains clots...that is not a healthy womb lining for an embryo to grow in, as there is little or no oxygen in the womb lining.

That appointment was on a Thursday, by Sunday I was crippled with back pain...just like Gordon told me I would be...and by Tuesday, I had started to bleed...and yes...it was purely bright red blood...!!!

This guy is a Miracle Worker...!!!

Patrick came with me on the second and third visits, a true sceptic, but even he had no choice but to become a believer when, on the third visit...Whatever Gordon did gave me a sharp pain over my left eye, to which Gordon responded by putting a needle in the top of my right foot..............and the pain disappeared...yes, it actually just went instantly. Gordon explained that a pain over my left eye is connected to my liver and the spot where he put the needle in my foot is also connected to the Liver and therefore counter-acted the pain.

So...my most recent visit was last Thursday and during this visit I was finally able to vocalise my fear at the thought of going back to the Clinic and going through all of this again. I am terrified and at this point do not want to go back.

Initially after I miscarried, I told myself that I would go back straight away, as soon as I could and then I wouldnt have to deal with the underlying fear...I would just get on with it. But my sessions with Gordon have taught me that I need to deal with that fear and the fact that I do not want to go back to the Clinic means that I am simply not ready to. I am learning the importance of vocalising instead of internalising, a method I have studied in depth in a professional context...... but sometimes it is not so easy to follow your own advice.

For now.......Patrick and I are just enjoying being together. We are married three years on the 9th of August and in all honesty...that whole time has been spent between trying to have a baby, getting pregnant, losing babies, hospitals, clinics, medications, injections and just an unbelievable amount of stress.
So, we are spending some time just reconnecting, enjoying eachother's company and getting to know eachother as a couple, outside of trying to be parents.

As Gordon told me.....we need to bring the Happiness back into our relationship. Patrick and I have a very good relationship, we are very close....but the most-part of the past three years has been tinged with sadness and grief, so we are going to take some time just to be us.

I will see Gordon again on Thursday of next week and both Patrick and I so look forward to the appointments because it has made such a difference. The overwhelming part for us is that we have found someone who actually cares. Gordon will often call to see how we are doing or how I am feeling, and I know that I can email him at any time with any thoughts or questions.

I was feeling very tired and off form all day, so I put together what was practically a novel within an email, pretty much explaining how nothing was right with the world and I sent it to Gordon, it was not an email that he needed to read...it was an email that I needed to send.

His response basically told me that if I re-read that email, all of the answers I am looking for are portrayed very obviously in my own words.............and he was right.

However, I was able to attribute today's mood-swings, indecisiveness and well...'that email' to one thing this evening.............I am ovulating...........Its been so long since I have ovulated, I had actually forgotten how it felt.  So yes...I am a little bit hormonal, but so unbelievably delighted that my system has returned to a functioning state.

I really want to thank each and every one of you that has supported us throughout this whole thing, it has been a very difficult time but it would have been a whole pile more difficult without the support of our family, friends and the many people around the world who have sent us messages.

And to my friends who put off telling me the fantastic news that they are pregnant, I am so happy for each of you, I am genuinely delighted for you and I know that you will make fantastic parents. It is not hard for me to see people who are pregnant, some days I do find it difficult but those days are few and far between and I genuinely believe that it will not be too much longer and we will be shouting to the world that we are in our second trimester.............

Gordon says so.....and we believe him.

(He does want us to call our first boy 'Gordon' though......ah, we can discuss that when the time comes...!!!)