It's been a while since I've posted on here, not for any particular reason but I just haven't felt the urge to write or post anything on here recently.
Life has been pretty routine lately and I am very happy about that. We have decided not to even think about any more treatment til sometime next year at the very earliest, so this has been the first time in quite a number of years that I haven't been either preparing for treatment, going through some kind of treatment or recovering from some procedure or operation and I have to admit.... it is nice to just 'be' for a while.
I'd been suffering with some horrible headaches for about 6 weeks, I thought they were migraines but they were different to the migraines that I usually get and a lot more frequent. My Dr. has diagnosed them as cluster headaches and prescribed some sumatriptan nasal sprays and some preventative medication for me to take. The nasal sprays worked very well but they can only be taken twice a day and I was getting these headaches three or four times a day, so my Dr. thought it might be a good idea to try a preventative medication to try and keep the headaches away altogether. I haven't tried this medication yet, but its now looking like I wont need to.
I mentioned it to Gordon in an email on Thursday and he responded telling me that he is fairly confident that he could help with these headaches at my appointment the following day.
When I got to Gordon's clinic on Friday, he asked me to lay on the table and he placed needles in both of my feet and then in both of my hands. The needles in my hands really hurt, he was moving them about and they were really uncomfortable. After a few minutes Gordon asked how my headache was and I told him that I could no longer feel any pain in my head. I had a sensation of there being perhaps a black shadow over my left eye, but definitely could not feel any pain. He explained to me that the headaches I was getting were related to a liver deficiency and the points he used in my feet were connected to my liver. He then told me that the points he used in my hands were anaesthetic points and so the combination of all of these points helped to make the pain go away.
Gordon left the room for about 15 minutes and when he returned, he took out those needles and asked me to lay face down on the table. He explained that he would be placing two needles in the back of my neck, right at the base of my skull. I wasn't at all comfortable with this idea. The needles didn't hurt at all, I barely felt them but I just couldn't relax knowing that I had needles in the back of my neck. Gordon said that he could tell that it was very much out of my comfort zone and he stayed in the room with me for the whole time that I had those needles in. He eventually removed those needles and I got up. The pain and sensations in my head had completely gone and I was feeling fine.
We chatted for a bit and then I left to go back to work. When I was about half way up the motorway, the pain in my head started to return. I pulled over the car with the intention of taking one of the nasal sprays. For whatever reason I started rubbing the back of my neck and placed my thumbs on the spots where the needles had been, instantly the pain went away. Any time I have felt twinges of headaches since then, I have put pressure on these points and it has killed the headaches straight away.
I knew today was going to be a tough day for me. Today would have been Noah's third birthday. It doesn't get any easier as the years pass by. I think of all the three year olds that I know (there's quite a few) and I think about the things that he should be doing now.
Patrick and I went to Switzerland when Noah was due, we just didn't want to be at home thinking about what should have been, we wanted to be able to have some good memories of that day. We went to this lovely silver store in the Old Town at Lucerne and got a beautiful silver bracelet engraved with Noah on the front and 23.6.10 on the back. We then bought a 'Name a star' gift set, which was just perfect because it came with a blue teddy bear. The teddy became 'Noah Bear' and he wears the bracelet around his neck all the time. He is just perfect.
Today has been hard, I've cried a bit, I've wondered a lot. I kinda regret not doing anything special today but in a way, I did what I needed to do for me... and that was absolutely nothing.
It will be an evening of serious cuddles with Noah Bear and shedding some tears and then tomorrow Noah Bear will once again sit beside our bed and represent our beautiful baby, until the next time I'm feeling a bit sad and needing some Noah Bear cuddles.
Sooo... its been just over 5 weeks since I had surgery and I am just now finally starting to feel a bit better. About 3 weeks ago, I started getting the most awful, really debilitating migraines. I was getting them every day, they were coming on very early in the morning and lasting 8-9 hours.
After the last visit with Gordon, I really was taking it easy and in all honesty... with the migraines I was getting, I really wasnt able to do anything, just lifting my head off the pillow was a very painful experience.
Patrick called Gordon 2 weeks ago to give him an update on how I am doing and to tell him how bad the migraines had gotten. Gordon then did something that I never would have imagined... he offered to drive up here and treat me at home. I genuinely could not believe that he was willing to do that... but he was... and the following Saturday, Gordon arrived at my house equipped with needles and alcohol swabs. He put needles in my feet and in my face, one in the middle of my forehead and one in either temple. He left them in for about 30 minutes and then removed them. He then told me that he would come back up the following week to treat me again.
After he had taken those needles out... I was physically unable to do anything, the only way I can describe how I was feeling is 'completely zonked'. I fell asleep right after he had left and slept deeply for a few hours... and I slept really really well that night too.
I didnt notice much difference in the frequency and severity of the migraines in the next few days and at one point, the pain got so bad that I actually passed out with it.
Gordon came back up here last Friday and repeated the process he had done the previous Saturday. When he had removed the needles, he produced 'press needles', they look like little thumb tacks. He put two in each foot in the grove between my big toes and my second toes, He then put one on the inside of each ankle. These tacks are to be left in and changed every 48 hours.
Almost immediately I felt my head clear. I was migraine free until Sunday evening (but I was out and about on Sunday, so may have overdone it a bit), We changed the tacks on Sunday evening and once that migraine had cleared, my head didnt bother me again until yesterday, but the severity of yesterday's migraine was a lot milder than what I had been experiencing for the previous 3 weeks.
I guess I just can't believe that he went to that trouble for me... It takes over an hour to drive from Cork to here, but it just goes to show once again, how different this experience has been from our previous experiences. Now, our case is not just a number on a chart to be referenced only on invoices, Gordon Mullins actually cares about his patients and for the past 10 months, he has gone through every step of this journey with us and he is the source of all of our hope.
We went to see Gordon in Cork today and he commented on how much better I was doing, he said that I was beginning to be myself again, and he is right, I am. I am feeling much better and am ready to start getting out again.
As I lay on the table and he was checking my pulses, he said something that really put a lump in my throat. He said 'Well done on coming out the other side', He went on to say that 99.9% of people would most likely have taken the Prozac (which has been almost pushed on me several times since the surgery) but I wouldnt take it. It was amazing to me how willing Dr's were to write perscriptions. I'm sure there have been times over the past 5 weeks where it must have seemed that I was hovering on the borderline of depression... and perhaps I was, it would seem almost natural, taking into account my history and what I have just been through, but to me... I was just having bad days and having been in this situation many, many times before... I know that bad days happen and as time goes on they become less and less frequent.
I always remember what Gordon said to me after my very first visit with him... 'Remember, its just a bad day, And remember its not about the bad day, but how
quickly you come out of your bad days, thats the improvement.'
In other news, my cat had three beautiful kittens 10 days ago. Two of them were healthy, but the third was delayed and when she was born, I suppose the mother cat thought she was dead and didnt really bother with her. I had to cut the cord and stimulate her to take her first breathe... which she did. The little one wouldnt latch on to the mother and the mother appeared to have no interest in her at all. We began feeding her with a syringe and she was doing really well. We rang the vet the day after she was born to be told that there is nothing that could be done and we might be best to just 'let her go'... Not on my watch...!!!
We continue to syringe feed the little one every couple of hours and she lasted well for 4 days, but when Patrick checked on her on Thursday morning, she was dead. It is impossible for me to describe how devestated we both were, I guess I dont think we were devestated about the kitten so much as what that kitten represented for us, this tiny little being who depended completely on us. Patrick buried the little one and I genuinely do not think I have ever seen him so upset.
The other two kittens were doing well... until one of them developped kitten flu. We were able to get her a powdered antibiotic but she has also stopped feeding from her mother and we are having to syringe feed her now also. The poor little thing has lost so much weight and is so weak she cant hold her head up. To be honest, we werent really expecting her to still be alive when we got back from Cork today, but she was. She is hanging in there, just barely, it will be an absolute miracle if she pulls through.
So, I'm thinking about venturing into work for a bit tomorrow, so long as the migraines stay away. I feel like I have rested completely for long enough and although I will ease myself back in to my usual hectic schedule, I do feel like it is time for me to start getting out again. I am assured that it is ok for me to do this, so long as I listen to my body and know when enough is enough.
