5 Weeks and I'm Loving it...!!!

5 Weeks and I have just been completely wiped out the past 2 days, I couldnt even make it out of bed this morning, never mind even think about getting into work.

So, we're currently in week 5 and apparantly our baby's heart should be developped and beating by Thursday.

I spoke to the Clinic yesterday and we have our first scan on Thursday the 26th at 12:45, exactly a year to the hour of when I sat in my Gynaecologist's office to be told 'Natural Pregnancy, it is never going to happen'.

What a year it has been, and what a complete and utter train wreck of emotional instability. It does seem though that as soon as we saw that first faint positive line, all of the emotions and stresses and the completely draining physical demands of the past year just completely dissolved.

So, for now we are putting the past behind us and although we will never forget, we are focussing all of our energies on the little person who is growing inside me, the person who we love so much already and although we just can't wait to meet him or her, I am just loving being pregnant (yes, even the sickness) and am so looking forward to the next 7ish months.xx.

Day 33 .......... D-Day Tomorrow....(Well...Officially...!!!)

Day 33 and my connection was too crappy to allow me to post last night (probably because the Eurovision was on and everybody had to post to facebook about it...!!!).

We went to Limerick yesterday and I didnt actually manage to find something to wear to the wedding, well I found a few nice dresses, but the queue for the dressing rooms was so long, I just couldnt be bothered queueing, especially when I was feeling so crap.

I was having a lot of stretching pains in my lower abdomen yesterday and those have continued today, along with some like serious overwhelming tiredness, causing me to nap for at least an hour a day.

So...at a count...I have taken 6 pregnancy tests, 2 of them digital and every single one of them positive...!!!
Pretty good going...considering I really wasn't supposed to test til tomorrow.

I will call the clinic again tomorrow and they will give me a date for my first scan, which will tell me how many bambinos are in my womb (even though they only implanted one blastocyst, it was of very good quality and there is a chance that it could have split in two).

The night time sickness seems to have settled down a bit for the last two nights and apart from a few bouts of quesiness during the day, the sickness really hasnt been too bad for the last 2 days.
I have however, been suffering with headaches a bit more than usual.

So, am looking forward to getting in touch with the clinic tomorrow and sharing our good news, for now though, I am going to relax on the couch with a class of juice and my wonderful husband.xx.

Day 30 .......... Til Someone Loses an Eye...!!!

Day 30 and I'm feeling really good today.

Still been quite sick but I think I am getting used to the sickness...and hey...if I wasn't sick...I'd probably think there is something wrong...!!!

I had a really nice day at work and Patrick and I went out to lunch for his birthday...but of course, when we got to the restaurant...I just couldnt eat anything, I did however manage two cartons of apple juice.

So, am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend and maybe some shopping tomorrow.

One of my friends is getting married in a few weeks, so I need to find something to wear to that...something that fits over my newly humongous boobs ( well, they weren't exactly small to begin with...!!!).

I want all the focus to be on the beautiful bride and not on me coz I turned around too fast and took somebody's eye out...!!!

Day 29 .......... The Dark Blue Line

Day 29 and the pregnancy line was much darker on the test this morning, so yep... still pregnant...!!!

I was wickedly sick today, it was just horrid. I went to work for a bit and was just feeling horrible all day...and then the vomiting started...!!!

So I came home early and slept for a couple of hours, feeling a bit better now.

Its Patrick's birthday tomorrow so I'm just hoping I'm feeling well enough to maybe go out to dinner or lunch or something, although judging by how I've been feeling I doubt I will be up to doing much.

Sibling Rivalry at its best...!!!

Ok so on getting my result this morning, of course I called Liam to tell him. Liam arrived at our house in about 10 minutes. No 'Congratulations', No 'Thats Great News' ....... Oh No......My big brother Liam said

' Have you any more of those sticks...I want to pee on a stick...!!!'

So yes, Liam took the pregnancy test into the bathroom and followed the instructions...(although admittedly had trouble keeping the flow of urine on the tab for 10 seconds...!!!) and then emerges from the bathroom looking very down-trodden at the fact that he is, in fact, not pregnant...!!!

Talk about trying to steal my thunder...!!!

So anyway, I got ready to go into work then and we went out to the car, Liam had his ipod on shuffle and the song which played immediately was 'Sweet Child of Mine' from Guns n' Roses...!!!

So what have we learned today...???

1. I am pregnant.

2 Liam is not pregnant.

3.I have the best friends in the world (Thank you so much for all the lovely messages.xx.)

Day 28 .......... I Couldn't Wait...!!!

Day 28 and I just couldnt wait any longer to test, it was a bit of a risk testing five days early.......but........

The faintest positive line but it is definitely there...!!!

I'm Pregnant...!!!

Day 27 .......... Big Thunder Mountain(s)

Day 27 and no the title is not in any way related to my recently doubled-in-size, crazy painful boobs...!!!

I had really really bad pains at around 3am, they lasted just over an hour and then just stopped. I was convinced that that was the end of it, but I'm still having lots of the same symptoms today that I've been having, along with lots of headaches.

I went in to work for a while again today, and again, fell asleep for a bit when I got home.

I've been having lots of cramps this evening, they almost feel like pre-menstrual cramps, but my next period isn't due til the 17th.

All this waiting and experiencing symptoms and not knowing what they mean..........it is all completely headwrecking...!!!

The whole IVF process is an unbelievable emotional rollercoaster, the waiting, the worrying, the uncertainty. At times it just seems so much, but we are clinging on to whatever hope we can find that whenever this journey ends for us, we will have a precious little baby to hold in our arms.

Day 26 .......... Bowling Balls...!!!

Day 26 and I didn't sleep well last night, got very little sleep actually. I went into work this morning and ended up staying there til 3:30, I wasnt doing anything much, just some light paperwork (oh and lots of talking...!!!). I was, however, completely exhausted by the time I got home and have slept until now.
Just hope I'm able to sleep tonight now...!!!

The nausea was really really bad today, I was getting waves of it every few minutes it was just horrid.

I didn't have much pain, just some minor lower-abdominal cramping today.

My breasts have started to become very sore and swollen, I feel like I have 2 bowling balls (minus the finger holes ) hanging on the front of my chest...!!! (Ok Guys.......Stop picturing that NOW)

So, 'D' Day is only a week away now...xx.

Day 25 .......... 5 Days Post-Transfer

Day 25 and I got out of the house for a bit today. We went in to town for some lunch and to do some shopping. It was nice to get out of the house, but gosh, I was wrecked by the time we got home.

I am feeling a lot of lower abdominal pressure today.

So, we're at Day 5 post-transfer, 8 days to go...although I have to admit, I am itching to test sooner than the 16th, I know I really should wait but gosh, it is oh so difficult...!!!

I feel like I might go into work tomorrow for an hour or so, just to get out of the house for a bit,obviously I wont be driving because I am still experiencing regular dizzy spells, but Patrick is still off of work with his ankle so he will be able to drive me into work for a bit.

Day 24 .......... Fussy Little Fecker...!!!

Day 24 and I am just completely wiped out, I managed to get up for a bit today but not for long.

Liam thought it might be nice if we went out for dinner, a lovely idea...but not a hope in hell my body was going to let me do that.
Patrick went out with Liam and a few friends, so he should be home shortly enough.

I was absolutely certain that I wanted some green tea earlier, so I made some........ but as soon as I got the smell of it, I was hit by a wave of nausea.

I tell ya this baby is a fussy little fecker...!!!

Everyone keeps sympathising with my pain and sickness, but I really don't mind it too much, every twinge or bout of nausea is just my baby's way of telling me that he/she is still there.

Day 23 .......... Not Much Change

Day 23 and I was very sick last night, but have not been sick so far today. Am still very tired all the time and crampy and headachy, but apart from that......not much progress since yesterday.

Still feeling very positive about everything as I am feeling exactly the same as I did the last time I was pregnant, even my gums are annoying me...!!!

I've completed my three days of complete bed-rest now, so will try and get up a bit tomorrow and progressively more over the next few days and hopefully that will make the time go a bit faster until we can test.

Day 22 .......... Day Time TV

Day 22 and I am completely wiped out...!!!

I'm feeling very very tired, but not sleepy. The cramps are worse today too, accompanied by a feeling of pressure in my lower abdomen and I keep getting a light-headed, almost dizzy feeling.

I feel like I need to go to the loo every 30 minutes.

The headaches are pretty bad today too, and Patrick thought maybe I should take some paracetamol (which apparantly is safe to take), but I just couldn't. I'd prefer to put up with the pain because if I took something, I would never stop blaming myself if the test comes back negative on the 16th.

I've pretty much had about all the Day-time TV that I can sanely handle, Thank God for the Internet...!!! 

Day 22 .......... Day Time TV

Day 22 and I am completely wiped out...!!!

I'm feeling very very tired, but not sleepy. The cramps are worse today too, accompanied by a feeling of pressure in my lower abdomen and I keep getting a light-headed, almost dizzy feeling.

I feel like I need to go to the loo every 30 minutes.

The headaches are pretty bad today too, and Patrick thought maybe I should take some paracetamol (which apparantly is safe to take), but I just couldn't. I'd prefer to put up with the pain because if I took something, I would never stop blaming myself if the test comes back negative on the 16th.

I've pretty much had about all the Day-time TV that I can sanely handle, Thank God for the Internet...!!! 

Day 21 ..........So Bad, Its Good...!!!

Day 21 and I am very sore, but feeling very positive.

Headaches ... check, cramping ... check, being so tired I feel like I've been hit by a bus ... check, having pulling feelings and twinges in my abdomen ... check...!!!

All the symptoms are as they should be, painful and uncomfortable but easier to bear with the knowledge that it is our baby in my womb that is causing the symptoms.
I am experiencing all the signs of early pregnancy, exactly as I should be, and difficult as it is to cope with, every twinge makes me smile.

Ok...so...maybe a bit hasty........but I checked what my due date will be.............the 19th of January ...... which is my Dad's anniversary, perhaps a coincidence, perhaps a sign, either way...it made me smile.

I have lots of internal bruising from yesterday's procedure, but hopefully that will ease after a few more days.

Now...my body is telling me that I need to doze off for a bit....so...nighty night.xx.

Day 20 ..........Successful Transfer...!!!

Day 20 and I got pretty much no sleep lastnight, I was just really anxious about today.

I got up early and headed into work for a bit, just to pass the time.

I couldn't wait til 10:30 though, I rang the clinic at 10:10 and was put through to the lab. At that stage, they were able to tell me that the embryo had been thawed and had survived the thawing process. At that point, it hadn't started to swell yet, so they were going to leave it about another 30 minutes and if it did not start to swell at that point, they would thaw another embryo. Fortunately the embryo did start to swell a few minutes later and was looking very very healthy.

We headed down to the Clinic and got there just after 12, had to wait about 10 minutes and then we both got gowned up and went down to one of the recovery rooms. We had to sign some more consents and got to talk with the embryologist for a bit. Then we went in to the operating theatre. The Dr. did some scans first to make sure everything was ok and to ensure that no cysts had appeared in the past week.

Then the Dr inserted this big metal speculum thing.....Holy Mother Of Christ..............the size of it...!!!!! That was bad enough...but once it was in place he made it expand............the pain, oh Jesus, the pain...!!!

He then informs me that it will have to stay in place for about 15 minutes while the embryo is being loaded into the catheter. Eventually the lab technician arrived with the loaded catheter and they checked like 10 times to make sure it was the correct embryo ....ie...that it was actually belonging to Patrick and I..!!!

During the actual transfer I only felt a little pinch and it was over very quickly. The removal of that speculum hurt really bad as well, but it didnt take long.

We had to wait around for a bit but we got back on the road quickly and I've been on the couch ever since.

Moving around is very painful and Patrick is being an absolute star. I slept for about 2 hours when I got home. I have to have complete bedrest for 3 days and then take it very easy for the rest of the 14 day period.

We have to test on the 16th to see if the embryo has successfully attached to the womb (I'm having lots of cramps...so that is a good sign)..................so 13 sleeps to go :)

Day 19 ..........It's Only A Day A-Way ..........

Day 19 and we're almost there.

I've tried not to really think about it all day, but I am beginning to find it difficult to ignore the butterflies that are dancing treble jigs in my tummy...!!!

I've been in kinda crappy form all day and have been feeling a lot of pressure in my lower abdomen.

Gosh, its hard to believe that the time is almost here, although it really shouldnt be hard to believe as I have received 16 messages today saying " One More Sleep", Those made me smile.

So.. I had a bit of a panic this morning when I realised that Patrick wont be able to drive me home from the Clinic tomorrow because of his broken foot, and I wont be able to drive after the Transfer. I was getting myself into a state about it, until Patrick reminded me of the many many friends I have (sometimes I do forget...!!!), and in the end my brother Liam said that he would be able to move some classes around and he would bring us to Cork and then bring us home again afterwards.
I had suggested that maybe we should just book into a hotel for tomorrow night, forgetting of course that Patrick is going back to the hospital about his ankle early on Wednesday morning.

I suppose...up til a few hours ago, I hadn't really considered the possibility of our blastocyst not surviving the thawing process, but now I am absolutely dreading making that phone call tomorrow morning.
I suppose I just feel like there must be something we can do to increase the chances...but in reality...there is absolutely nothing we can do that is going to make any difference to the outcome of tomorrow's thawing process.

I was thinking I would get an early night tonight, but I think there is little chance of me getting much sleep.

Regardless of what happens tomorrow, Patrick and I want to express our heart-felt gratitude and appreciation for all the support we have received to date. All the messages of support we have received from people we haven't seen in years, and the thousands of messages we receive from strangers all over the world, but most of all to our families and our many fantastic friends who have supported us no end throughout our journey to date.............and also...apologies to anyone I may have upset or offended over the past few weeks..........it wasn't intentional....it was the hormones...!!!

Thank you all so much.xx.

Day 18 ................ Fish, Meringues and Sulphur Lollipops

Day 18 and I woke up at 6am with the most horrific headache. It was very similar to a migraine-type pain, but without the other migraine symptoms. It was just awful and it took ages for it to go away, I had it for a good 7 hours and then I have just been feeling horrid and nauseous all day.

So, I was laying on the couch, doing some work on the laptop, feeling just horrible and craving meringues (which we didnt have)............when Patrick decided to light the fire...........The smell of the sulphur from the matches...OMG it was fabulous....and yes, you can probably guess what I did next.............straight into my gob, sulphur end first and oh gosh did it taste just fabulous...and the nausea just like...disappeared...!!!

So...it looks like a diet of fish, meringues and matches for the foreseeable future...!!!

It just hit me about an hour ago that today is Sunday, tomorrow is Monday and then like its just the day after that......Two More Sleeps...!!!

Day 16 .......... Day 17 .......... Its Not a Chicken...!!!

Yesterday was Day 16 but unfortunately my internet connection wouldnt stay connected long enough for me to post here.

I've had a crazy couple of days at work in preparation for the time I will take off after Implantation on Tuesday.

I started two new medications today, one of which is making me feel very strange and I keep getting really bad cramps.

I'm still having crazy cravings for fish, but I am prepared and have stocked up on smoked salmon...just in case...!!!

I am thinking that I will go into work for a bit on Tuesday Morning because i think if I stay at home..... I will be climbing the walls waiting for 10:30 to come so that I can call the Clinic and find out whether the embryo has survived the thawing process.
The Embyologist explained to us that  the embryo is like a sponge, when it is cyropreserved (frozen), it shrinks up, so when it is thawed it is supposed to spring back up, but sometimes it will collapse and then it will die.

So here's hoping all goes well with the thawing process.......which I keep calling 'defrosting' and keep being reminded that it is an embryo, not a chicken...!!!

Day 15 ........ I Need Fish

Day 15 and all I want is fish...!!!

I was doing pretty good all morning, but the evening was a different story.

I started the new medications today, they havent affected me too much...yet anyway.

I keep getting spontaneous cravings for fish, like real fish, its like a strong need for it and I just have to have it...!!!

Right now I am super-tired and feeling crap, so I'm gona get some sleep and hope to God I'll be feeling more human tomorrow...!!!

Day 14 ................ Six More Sleeps

Day 14 and what a lovely day it was.

I went into work this morning. I was a bit sore but wasnt feeling too bad. Was a productive morning at work and then I called out to see a friend for a cup of tea and some fabulous scones.

She has the most beautiful baby girl who is just 9 weeks old. I held her for a few minutes and was chattering away to her and all of a sudden she took off into fits of like proper laughing, which apparently she had never done before. It was such a special moment, one I will cherish for a long, long time.

Right now, I'm feeling very tired and looking forward to a nice long hot bath and an early night.

I have to start taking the new medications tomorrow, so really have no idea how my system is going to react to those.

Six more sleeps to Implantation......