Life has been pretty routine lately and I am very happy about that. We have decided not to even think about any more treatment til sometime next year at the very earliest, so this has been the first time in quite a number of years that I haven't been either preparing for treatment, going through some kind of treatment or recovering from some procedure or operation and I have to admit.... it is nice to just 'be' for a while.
I'd been suffering with some horrible headaches for about 6 weeks, I thought they were migraines but they were different to the migraines that I usually get and a lot more frequent. My Dr. has diagnosed them as cluster headaches and prescribed some sumatriptan nasal sprays and some preventative medication for me to take. The nasal sprays worked very well but they can only be taken twice a day and I was getting these headaches three or four times a day, so my Dr. thought it might be a good idea to try a preventative medication to try and keep the headaches away altogether. I haven't tried this medication yet, but its now looking like I wont need to.
I mentioned it to Gordon in an email on Thursday and he responded telling me that he is fairly confident that he could help with these headaches at my appointment the following day.
When I got to Gordon's clinic on Friday, he asked me to lay on the table and he placed needles in both of my feet and then in both of my hands. The needles in my hands really hurt, he was moving them about and they were really uncomfortable. After a few minutes Gordon asked how my headache was and I told him that I could no longer feel any pain in my head. I had a sensation of there being perhaps a black shadow over my left eye, but definitely could not feel any pain. He explained to me that the headaches I was getting were related to a liver deficiency and the points he used in my feet were connected to my liver. He then told me that the points he used in my hands were anaesthetic points and so the combination of all of these points helped to make the pain go away.
Gordon left the room for about 15 minutes and when he returned, he took out those needles and asked me to lay face down on the table. He explained that he would be placing two needles in the back of my neck, right at the base of my skull. I wasn't at all comfortable with this idea. The needles didn't hurt at all, I barely felt them but I just couldn't relax knowing that I had needles in the back of my neck. Gordon said that he could tell that it was very much out of my comfort zone and he stayed in the room with me for the whole time that I had those needles in. He eventually removed those needles and I got up. The pain and sensations in my head had completely gone and I was feeling fine.
We chatted for a bit and then I left to go back to work. When I was about half way up the motorway, the pain in my head started to return. I pulled over the car with the intention of taking one of the nasal sprays. For whatever reason I started rubbing the back of my neck and placed my thumbs on the spots where the needles had been, instantly the pain went away. Any time I have felt twinges of headaches since then, I have put pressure on these points and it has killed the headaches straight away.
I knew today was going to be a tough day for me. Today would have been Noah's third birthday. It doesn't get any easier as the years pass by. I think of all the three year olds that I know (there's quite a few) and I think about the things that he should be doing now.
Patrick and I went to Switzerland when Noah was due, we just didn't want to be at home thinking about what should have been, we wanted to be able to have some good memories of that day. We went to this lovely silver store in the Old Town at Lucerne and got a beautiful silver bracelet engraved with Noah on the front and 23.6.10 on the back. We then bought a 'Name a star' gift set, which was just perfect because it came with a blue teddy bear. The teddy became 'Noah Bear' and he wears the bracelet around his neck all the time. He is just perfect.
Today has been hard, I've cried a bit, I've wondered a lot. I kinda regret not doing anything special today but in a way, I did what I needed to do for me... and that was absolutely nothing.
It will be an evening of serious cuddles with Noah Bear and shedding some tears and then tomorrow Noah Bear will once again sit beside our bed and represent our beautiful baby, until the next time I'm feeling a bit sad and needing some Noah Bear cuddles.
